he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
