Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
