I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
