a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
