we're making bets on your personal life
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
