i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
