hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
