the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
