as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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