So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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