Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
