I want you more than these girls want KFC
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
