Can i not drive my cunt home
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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