I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
