Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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