i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize