The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
