That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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