im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
