My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
