He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
