i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize