The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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