At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
