Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
