oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize