So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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