so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
