my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
