but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
