Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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