I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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