After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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