I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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