Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drake has all the answers
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
