shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
