I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
