and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
