just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
