Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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