Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
