Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize