HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
