At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
