Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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