Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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