You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
