Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do herpes really smell.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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