You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
