I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I party with great urgency now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
