So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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