FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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