Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
