The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
