Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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