Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
