No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
