glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
