Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
