yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Let's paint friendship bongs
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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