i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
