So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
