OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
