i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
