beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
