she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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