i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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