i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
