I looked at my own cervix.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize