I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
