Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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