Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
