Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The uberlube is also flammable
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize