it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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