When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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