I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
