How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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