I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
