I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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