They should really pass out barf bags in church
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
