i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's Friday. Sex?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
