its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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