I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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