It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
