Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
