Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We are all done wearing pants today
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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