first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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