You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
