I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
