maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
