last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
