How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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