Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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