Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
