so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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